Going home

The trailer is packed, the car is full, we are going home…well, nearly. First a quick detour to Derbyshire to visit Gareths lovely grandfather, and then the 24ish hour drive, and then finally, home.It feels like years since I was cuddled round our little log burner, sipping home made mulled wine (we added too much sugar while the grapes were fermenting which while a bit sweet for normal drinking makes a fabulous chilly evening night cap).

I have struggled more than I expected with returning to “normal life”. I was not mentally prepared for spending weeks on end sleeping in a frozen van with my two hooligan dogs. And then even when we were able to sleep in Gareths mums house I felt in utter limbo. The original plan was to do as many Christmas markets as possible, but within a week of being back Gareth recieved a job offer and decided to work full time for a couple of weeks. This comlicated the whole market plan as às you can imagine many farmers markets don’t look kindly on having your dogs tag along. Plus setting up gazebos, tables and displays on your own in the rain is no fun. Add to the equation that the van was our only transport and part of Gareths job was travelling around to different stores everyday, making markets fairly impossible some days.

By Christmas I had had enough, we were not making the money we had hoped for, I was stuck in a rut of wanting to do things but not having the money or means to do them, so spent day after day walking the dogs around aimlessly. They obviously loved it, nothing better in their eyes than a nice muddy run through the woods or along the canal, but I still felt lost. I think that even though we needed to raise the funds for another year on the farm, my heart was still there. I was desperate to spend a Christmas in our little orange farm house. I have spent all year fattening up the geese and we still had the crops to make a darn good roast. I would have loved to have joined our Hungarian friends while they celebrated the festive season.

Saying all this, it has been amazing to see all my friends again…some have been pillars of strength for me the last few weeks and for that I will always be grateful. This time back in the UK has also reminded me exactly why we made such a massive life change and decided to pack it all in and give a new life a go. It has reminded me of what is actually important in my live and that is happiness, acceptance and freedom, all of which I have found harder to achieve over the past few weeks.

I am so excited to get back, to start working on the house, planning the tasks for the year and just getting back to my quiet existence out on our little farm. Nem shok nap most!!!

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